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YOUR POCKET DIVORCE GUIDE

FREE on Amazon today and Saturday, July 26th

If you're considering separation or are in the divorce process now, you'll find concise, practical information as describe on the book's page on this blog, New Book Release.

If you know of anyone who might need this kind of help, please forward this information to them. They'll be very grateful for it.

* Those of you who don't have a Kindle can order "Download to PC." Amazon will request permission to "install" a Kindle-reading program onto your computer. It's safe. That's how I read Kindle books!

Divorce Sickness

Your Divorce
Journal

The sometimes disorienting stresses of the whole separation and divorce process certain can make you sick! In the previous post, you learned three easy stress relievers. Journaling is another. Psychologists have been recommending journaling for stress relief, to record your hopes and joys, and to identify lingering hot buttons and why you're having a hard time letting them go.

Here is another page from The Divorce Recovery Journal shown on the Linda's Other Books page on this blog.

                 Divorce "Sickness"

The only cure for seasickness is

to sit on the shady side of an

old brick church in the country.

~ English sailors’ proverb

Our Thoughts:

Divorce can be dizzying and nauseating, just like seasickness. The point to this proverb is to avoid the irritant when you think you’re going to throw up (either literally or figuratively).

Find some place, either internally or externally, where you can be peaceful.  Slow down, take a time out, get your land legs back under you. A quiet place in nature is wonderful.

Simply identifying your hot buttons can go a long way towards helping you manage and finally conquer them.

Your Thoughts:

What are my major irritants? 

Peace ~

Lin

Stress Relievers

The physical, emotional, and financial stresses of separation and divorce can really do a number on your health. The conscious mind becomes obsessed with planning, preparing, and worrying, each of which further boost the stress level. And the weight of depression overshadows our need to ease those destructive layers of stress.

We'll go into the possible negative effect in another post. But you'll need a healthy mind and body as you make the transition from married person to single. For now, here are a few easy stress relievers to start you out:


<>  TIME TO BREATHE 
      Sit down in a relatively quiet place, put your feet flat on the floor, and rest your hands on your thighs. Close your eyes. Relax your body - head, neck, shoulders chest, and back.
Take some slow, deep breaths: inhale to the count of 8, hold to count of 2 or 3, exhale slowly to the count of 8, rest. Repeat 10 times.

Remain in that position focusing all your attention on the gentle rise and fall of your chest.
When you feel relaxed and centered, open your eyes and begin moving around again.

<>  PEACEFUL WALKING
      Walk for a minimum of 5 minutes - inside your house, up and down steps, around your office inside or out, in the neighborhood of either. As you walk, think of each good thing or blessing in your life for which you are grateful. Focus all of you attention on thinking of more for as long as you walk.

You may start with love and caring, go on to a safe home, food, clean water right out of the tap, shoes on your feet, the ability to walk, and keep going. Nothing is too small to consider as long as you're glad you have it/them in your life.

If troubled or negative thoughts bubble up (which they love to do), just refocus your attention to another good thing in your life. It's OK to repeat or list chocolate or fresh corn on the cob. It's also fine if you smile as you go!

The walking is good for you, and the thoughts will lift you up.

<>  MOVE HAPPY
      For great stress relief and fun, listen to some upbeat music. You know the kind - you can't sit still while it's playing (or for awhile afterwards). My current favorites are Paul Simon's Graceland and Rhythm of the Saints CDs. You may have an iPod or other personal device with a bunch of your happy favorites.

Stand up, put the music on, and just start to swing and sway, dance and clap. Keep it up for as long as the spirit moves you. Do you have a friend who might want to get movin' with you?

<> L-O-N-G SLOW BATH
     Take a long, mineral rich soaking bath. One or two cups of Epsom salts make the water feel slightly buoyant, and if you like, add a few drops of any essential oil you enjoy, i.e. lavender, cedar, jasmine, or pine.

Don't just sit! Slide down a bit, lean your head back against the tub, and rest your eyelids. Put a waterproof neck pillow (or put a rolled up hand towel in a zippered plastic bag) behind your head and neck.

If you're used to just taking a quick shower, you may get restless after a very few minutes. Try to stay in the tub. Sometimes I bring a kitchen timer in and set it for 20 minutes. Knowing that's my target actually helps me relax.

Bonus touches: you may also light a few candles, put on some smooth and easy music, and have a glass of something sip-able at tubside.

Stay tuned for some more Stress Relievers on this blog. 

Peace ~

Lin




     

Divorce Can Feel Overwhelming

Your Divorce
Journal

For decades, counselors and therapists have advised their clients to keep a journal, especially when they're going through overwhelming emotional challenges. And the end of a marriage is one of the worst. A private divorce journal can help you process all three phases: separation, divorce, and starting over.

These journals serve as silent companions for ventilating pain and anger, giving words to unanswerable questions, and self-searching for your deepest feelings. Those blank pages also welcome your wishes and dreams for the future.

Therapist Mary Stuart and I wrote The Divorce Recovery Journal to serve just that purpose. Its three sections address Looking Down (separation), Looking Out (going through divorce), and Looking up (to the new you).

I'll be posting excerpts from that book on this blog from time to time. You can write your thoughts in a journal, create a computer journal, or just think about them. The personal insights that bubble up may surprise you - and help you heal.

DIVORCE CAN FEEL OVERWHELMING

The impossible

is often the untried.

~ Jim Goodwin

* Our Thoughts:

Life often feels overwhelming during divorce.  Everything looms large and many tasks seem impossible, particularly if this is the first time you’ve ever done them.  If you’re feeling swamped, get help.  If you’ve never balanced a checkbook, have someone teach you how.  If you’ve never taken the car to the mechanic, take a friend with you who has had experience in dealing with mechanics.  Reach out and ask for help.  You’ll be amazed at the response.

* Your Thoughts:

What prevents me from asking others for help?

"Pocket Divorce Guide" Reviews

Your Pocket Divorce Guide
~ BUY NOW ~
Print & Kindle formats

These two new Amazon reviews nail the powerful benefits of this book:

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

4.0 out of 5 stars Easy-to-digest guide to everything divorce
June 17, 2014

By Rosalind Sedacca

Format:Paperback|Verified Purchase

If you're looking for short, easy to digest guide to understanding divorce and the many choices involved, this concise book covers the spectrum with sound advice. You get a good overview of what's ahead and how to make the best decisions for your particular needs.

Rosalind Sedacca, CCT
Founder, Child-Centered Divorce Network

_____________________________________

4.0 out of 5 stars Clear thoughts for when you can't think clearly June 15, 2014

By Deborah Granick

Format:Paperback

This short, easy read guide provides basic information for getting through divorce. You'll get everything from what to do if you think a divorce is in your future to checklists for furnishing your new home to how to save money on legal fees. I liked the easy to apply format. This is not an "everything you need to know guide" but it is a GREAT place to start. Not intimidating. Not overwhelming. Lots of great resources for next steps. You'll feel like you've had a conversation with an experienced friend when you turn the last page. 

_____________________________________

Future Dreams

For those going through divorce, I gently suggest adopting this philosophy as your own:

I like the dreams of the future

better than the history of the past.

~ Thomas Jefferson

The future is, indeed, full of possibilities. Be sure to create positive dreams that will renew and fulfill you as a whole person!

Peace ~

Lin

5 Steps in Divorce Grief

Divorcing spouses – the Leavers and the Left – generally experience their own version of the five stages of grief that accompany all serious life losses. They are:

• DENIAL - sometimes with shock and withdrawal;
• ANGER -  outward directed rage;
• BARGAINING - with your ex, with God, or any other likely candidate;
• DEPRESSION - the feeling of deep and weighty sadness, often with lingering anger;
• ACCEPTANCE - moving fully into your newly single life. 

Both the Leaver and the Left will go through the process, but they go through the stages at different times. And it’s perfectly normal to bounce back and forth from one stage to another and back. Sometimes they may find themselves in two or more at once.

If you feel stuck at any point, especially in the depression phase, please see a qualified psychotherapist or counselor to help you move forward.

Friends and family are precious, but they aren't trained professionals. And, frankly, they may start to feel a little impatient with what may seem like slow progress to them. Go out and have fun with them after your therapy appointments! 

Peace ~ 

Lin