Stress Relievers

The physical, emotional, and financial stresses of separation and divorce can really do a number on your health. The conscious mind becomes obsessed with planning, preparing, and worrying, each of which further boost the stress level. And the weight of depression overshadows our need to ease those destructive layers of stress.

We'll go into the possible negative effect in another post. But you'll need a healthy mind and body as you make the transition from married person to single. For now, here are a few easy stress relievers to start you out:


<>  TIME TO BREATHE 
      Sit down in a relatively quiet place, put your feet flat on the floor, and rest your hands on your thighs. Close your eyes. Relax your body - head, neck, shoulders chest, and back.
Take some slow, deep breaths: inhale to the count of 8, hold to count of 2 or 3, exhale slowly to the count of 8, rest. Repeat 10 times.

Remain in that position focusing all your attention on the gentle rise and fall of your chest.
When you feel relaxed and centered, open your eyes and begin moving around again.

<>  PEACEFUL WALKING
      Walk for a minimum of 5 minutes - inside your house, up and down steps, around your office inside or out, in the neighborhood of either. As you walk, think of each good thing or blessing in your life for which you are grateful. Focus all of you attention on thinking of more for as long as you walk.

You may start with love and caring, go on to a safe home, food, clean water right out of the tap, shoes on your feet, the ability to walk, and keep going. Nothing is too small to consider as long as you're glad you have it/them in your life.

If troubled or negative thoughts bubble up (which they love to do), just refocus your attention to another good thing in your life. It's OK to repeat or list chocolate or fresh corn on the cob. It's also fine if you smile as you go!

The walking is good for you, and the thoughts will lift you up.

<>  MOVE HAPPY
      For great stress relief and fun, listen to some upbeat music. You know the kind - you can't sit still while it's playing (or for awhile afterwards). My current favorites are Paul Simon's Graceland and Rhythm of the Saints CDs. You may have an iPod or other personal device with a bunch of your happy favorites.

Stand up, put the music on, and just start to swing and sway, dance and clap. Keep it up for as long as the spirit moves you. Do you have a friend who might want to get movin' with you?

<> L-O-N-G SLOW BATH
     Take a long, mineral rich soaking bath. One or two cups of Epsom salts make the water feel slightly buoyant, and if you like, add a few drops of any essential oil you enjoy, i.e. lavender, cedar, jasmine, or pine.

Don't just sit! Slide down a bit, lean your head back against the tub, and rest your eyelids. Put a waterproof neck pillow (or put a rolled up hand towel in a zippered plastic bag) behind your head and neck.

If you're used to just taking a quick shower, you may get restless after a very few minutes. Try to stay in the tub. Sometimes I bring a kitchen timer in and set it for 20 minutes. Knowing that's my target actually helps me relax.

Bonus touches: you may also light a few candles, put on some smooth and easy music, and have a glass of something sip-able at tubside.

Stay tuned for some more Stress Relievers on this blog. 

Peace ~

Lin




     

5 Steps in Divorce Grief

Divorcing spouses – the Leavers and the Left – generally experience their own version of the five stages of grief that accompany all serious life losses. They are:

• DENIAL - sometimes with shock and withdrawal;
• ANGER -  outward directed rage;
• BARGAINING - with your ex, with God, or any other likely candidate;
• DEPRESSION - the feeling of deep and weighty sadness, often with lingering anger;
• ACCEPTANCE - moving fully into your newly single life. 

Both the Leaver and the Left will go through the process, but they go through the stages at different times. And it’s perfectly normal to bounce back and forth from one stage to another and back. Sometimes they may find themselves in two or more at once.

If you feel stuck at any point, especially in the depression phase, please see a qualified psychotherapist or counselor to help you move forward.

Friends and family are precious, but they aren't trained professionals. And, frankly, they may start to feel a little impatient with what may seem like slow progress to them. Go out and have fun with them after your therapy appointments! 

Peace ~ 

Lin