[Rebecca Sedacca, CCT, known as The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce, is a Divorce and Parenting Coach and Founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network for parents, and a counselor of extraordinary compassion and wisdom. Visit her website for more helpful guidance.]
By Rosalind Sedacca,
CCT
September 27th, 2014
Divorce
drives some people crazy. Because of that, they make many poor decisions. Their
judgment, integrity and credibility are easy to question. Their decisions
regarding taking responsibility for their children come under scrutiny.
There
is much we can all learn from these mistakes. And wisdom we can take away that
is important for all of us to remember: It’s never too late to get it right –
when your children are at stake!
In
the heat of the divorce drama, we may have settled for a decision or two that
we later regretted and still feel resentful. Or we made a child-related
agreement that, in hindsight, was not in our child’s best interest – but we
don’t know quite how to remedy the situation.
Perhaps
we lost our tempers at an inappropriate time
and watched our children painfully
internalize the experience.
- or -
Maybe
we referred to our ex in a rather unflattering way
only to find our child get
very upset and storm away in anger.
While
some legal issues can only be handled through legal resolution, there are many
post-divorce relationship decisions involving our children that we can remedy!
And, it’s never too late to make amends.
If
you have found that your children are suffering or hurting due to a decision
you made when you were more motivated by anger than by positive parenting and
are now having regrets – take action.
That
can mean having a heart-to-heart with your children and apologizing for
behavior or statements you made that created pain in their lives. Take
responsibility, own those choices, and humbly explain that you made an error
and now want to make some changes.
That
may translate into letting them spend more time with their other parent … no
longer bad-mouthing your ex in front of the kids … inviting your ex to a
holiday or school event with the children … encouraging the kids to have a
visit with their “other” grandparents … you get the idea.
Perhaps
it means a straight-talk conversation with your ex that opens the door to
better, more cooperative communication, trust and co-parenting. Or, apologizing
for harsh words and insults.
Yes,
this can be amazingly difficult to do from an ego perspective. But when you
think about how much joy it can mean to your children when they see both of
their parents getting along – it’s more than worth the swallowing of your
pride. Chances are your ex will swallow some too – and be receptive to working
things out in a more mature manner.
If you have nothing to “own” and all the tension and mistakes rest solely on the shoulders of your ex, try approaching them in a different way,
focusing exclusively on the emotional
needs of the children,and reaching out a hand in peace.
There’s
no guarantee this will work – and we all know there are some certified jerks
out there of both genders! But don’t give up – ever! Times change, people can
change, and change may be just what your family needs so you can create a
better outcome for your children.
When
you take the “high” road and model responsible, effective behavior, you are
giving your children the gift of learning how to do that themselves. It’s a
gift that will pay off for you and them many times in the years ahead. One day
your children will thank you for making things “right.” They’ll acknowledge you
for being such a model Mom or Dad, despite the challenges you faced. And
believe me, you will be proud of the parent you worked so hard to become.
It’s
never too late to heed this advice and start taking constructive steps that
move you in the right direction – to honor the children you love. And if you
need a helping hand, reach out to a professional for that support and guidance.
We’re here to help you make a positive difference for everyone in the family.
*
* *
Rosalind
Sedacca, CCT is a Divorce & Parenting Coach and author of the
internationally-acclaimed ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids about the
Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children — with Love! For
her free ebook on Post-Divorce Parenting, coaching services and other
valuable resources on divorce and parenting issues, go to:
www.childcentereddivorce.com.
