Thursday, March 3, 2016

You're Not a Marriage Failure!

It can be hard not to feel like a failure when a marriage ends. But it can be both the toughest and healthiest decision you'll ever make. 



The following has been adapted from The Divorce Recovery Journal by Linda C. Senn and Mary Stuart, M.A.  Available on Amazon


"The only one who makes no mistakes
is one who never does anything." 
~ Theodore Roosevelt

Our Thoughts:If you are sad and feeling that you're a failure because your marriage is over, reading this quote over and over again should help you come to terms with the fact that everyone makes mistakes. And like it or not, that's how we learn.

Look at your pain, benefit from it and give yourself permission to put it behind you.


Journal Your Thoughts:Remembering that you are a good and worthy human being, and as such, you've undoubtedly made mistakes along the way - choose to forgive yourself. Journal about the positive things you'll do and kindness you'll share when you start over single. 


Whatever mistakes you made in the past 
can't be allowed to define the rest of your life!



Thursday, February 18, 2016

"Pocket Divorce Guide" $0.99!


Buy on Amazon NOW

Kindle version only

YOUR POCKET DIVORCE GUIDE by Linda C. Senn

Kindle Edition
Retail $4.99


COUNT DOWN SALE PRICE... $0.99

beginning Friday 2/19 Price will gradually increase over 5 days until it's back to full retail $4.99.


This short book starts with preparing for divorce, moves through the legal process, and covers crucial elements of starting over again! It's packed with information and easy to read.


"Bullseye! This pocket guide is right on target. It is concise, well organized and written in a format perfectly suited for those about to undergo the arduous and confusing process of divorce.  
           ~ Ralph H. Orlovick, Ph.D. Psychologist

"An uncommonly wise and practical book packed with essential information for anyone considering divorce. I am making it 'required reading' for all my divorce clients. Senn explains the legal process and your rights in plain English." Review on previous edition 
           ~ Marta Papa, Attorney and Divorce Mediator


~ Act now before the prices starts going up ~


Friday, February 12, 2016

Divorce: New Interests, New Friends

      Preparing for Divorce & New You

      Whether you're divorced or are still deciding, this is a positive time to get out and explore new interests. As you do, new friends will enter your life, and you'll begin to feel yourself coming alive - slowly but surely!

      Have you ever been to a MeetUp get together? Here are just a few from St. Louis Missouri, my home town:

      St. Louis Board Game MeetUp Group

      Dine Out on a Dime
      * Swing Dancing
      * 40yr+ Social Club

                           
      Self Employed St. Louis MeetUp
      TEDx Connect: "800+ Thought Leaders"   
               
      Outdoor Afro St. Louis
      Let's Hike
       
                 Center for Pragmatic Buddhism
                 St. Louis Christian Volunteers

      * NOT good while you're still married, if you want to continue these after the divorce (if you take that route).

      Tip: Avoid divorce groups. This is a time for new ideas and fun discoveries!

      Google MeetUps (your town). The page that comes up will show the MeetUp groups within 25 miles of your home. Click on the 25 and reset it to another distance if you want.

       Peace ~

       Lin


               
                            



    Monday, February 8, 2016

    Check the Stress Scale


    If you want to see how many stress points 
    the "experts" say you've racked up in the past 12 months, 
    read the Stress Scale vs. Reality page on my LindaCSenn blog.

    Peace ~

    Lin
    exponentially  

    Thursday, February 4, 2016

    New Friends & the New You

    Growing the New You by Meeting New Friends

    When you're in a troubled marriage, your inner spirit withers. Feeling unloved does that. But you don't have to wait for divorce to begin healing.

    Begin building the New You by getting out and exploring new interests - without your spouse. Why? If you do separate and divorce, you won't want your ex to show up when you're out socializing!

    Tips:
    • look for places that aren't too far from home, but not next door either.
    • start with a class you've wanted to try for a long time.
    • go to a familiar place alone or invite a buddy to go with you. (Not someone of your spouse's gender.)

    Workshops and classes offer the best possibilities to make new friends. At the top of the resource lists are community college classes. The low cost, the handy locations and the incredible range of offerings make these winners.

    Check their websites for listings and see if you can order a print catalog. A sampling from the St. Louis Community College Continuing Ed Spring catalog includes
    • Yoga
    • Starting Your Own Business
    • CPR and First Aid
    • Computer Technology
    • Caricature Drawing, Weaving, Beaded Earrings
    • Cooking and Wine Making
    • Wine Tasting
    • Music, Theater, Dancing
    • Meditation
    • Home Repair
    • Foreign Languages
    • Bridge, Fencing
    • Swimming, Water Aerobics, Zumba

    You'll maximize your chances of starting new friendships if you sign up for classes that go for at least 3 sessions and plan to arrive early each time. That provides more time to chat.

    Tip: And when you talk with those new friends, really listen! Make notes afterwards so you don't forget that Danny's new dog is a collie and Pat just planted tomatoes at home.


    Swap business cards if you have them or, at the last class, swap email addresses so you can stay in touch.

    And remember to smile!

    Peace,

    Lin

    More places to explore the world with the growing New You coming up!

    Wednesday, January 27, 2016

    Divorced & Suddenly alone

    Highest Stress Divorce Ages

    Arguably, two Life Stages are the most difficult for a divorcing couple: (1) early parenthood and (2) mid-life.

    Although you're never alone, early parenthood is full of other uncertainties, especially for those who have never been around babies. It's a whole new world full of scary surprises and indescribable joys. And generally count family and friends stand ready to help. All the world loves a baby and half of them will drop by to say Hi and hold the baby!


    Then there's mid-Life. It's supposed to be a time of easing back a little, sharing a full, happy life with the one you love and who cherishes you in return. We've all seen the commercials where they walk hand in hand, smiling adoringly at each other. Financially secure, kids grown or nearly so, health still good, and eager for new life adventures - together.

    Of course, most people are pulled down by the natural uncertainties of menopause, one or more mid-life crises, and less flexible joints. And there's that nagging suspicion that you're past your peak, and it might all be downhill from here. But everybody goes through that.

    Not everybody is suddenly alone.


    In fact, for a while you may feel like the only un-paired person around.

    But if you look, you'll find that there are others who've been divorced, or widowed, or who have never married. They're taking interesting adult evening classes, doing volunteer work, going to church or society, the Japanese Festival at the Botanical Garden, or the Lions Club Barbecue.

    They're all things you can begin exploring any time.

    More on socializing coming soon.

    Peace ~

    Linda


    Friday, January 22, 2016

    To Stay or Leave Your Marriage

    The decision to divorce isn't easy. Continuing with the status quo may be tempting. Some people take years to make a move -- some simply live out their lives in an emotionally painful, loveless marriage. Wouldn't it be great for an expert to help you decide?
    One especially helpful book, "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-StepGuide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of YourRelationship by Mira Kirshenbaum, describes several different unhappy marriages and explains how and why it can be saved or not. 

    It's the most logical, insightful book I've read on the subject! 

    Although this book was first published in 1997, it's still one of the highest ranking books on Amazon's divorce book scale. The classic marital situations described in the book still resonate in 2016.


    Peace ~

    Lin




    Monday, January 18, 2016

    Preparing to Separate


    It's one thing to make the decision to separate and divorce -- quite another to screw up the courage to act on it. But there are several useful steps you can take before announcing it to your soon-to-be-ex.
    The first is building a foundation of supportive friends and maybe even non-judgmental relatives.
    Get together with one or two close, discreet friends. This isn't necessarily a "baring your soul" session. In the first conversation, you may simply say you're way past miserable and are seriously considering starting over single.
    Odds are that won't come as a shock to those close to you. But you can ask if they're surprised.* Some people get so good at putting on a false, happy face, that others believed your relationship was fine.
    Resist the urge to spew out all the emotional pain you feel -- those are best shared with your therapist. Steer your friends in the direction of practical questions and suggestions.
    Some will play devil's advocate and ask if you've thought of this or that challenge of being single again. Listen to them. They really do meant to be helpful. If  it's something you haven't considered, resist the urge to feel discouraged. Focus on the best way to deal with whatever they brought up.
    It's not a question of Can I or Can't I.
    But of how can I work around that.
     Don't invite anyone who went through a bitter divorce, seems stuck in a painful marriage, or has chosen to be a lifelong victim.

    Supportive friends offer a powerful boost your courage and will be a joy in your new life as a single.

    Thursday, January 14, 2016

    A Lonely Marriage





    LONELINESS by Beverly J. Letchworth

    Loneliness falls
         not with butterfly wings
         but with a smack
         of eagle's talons -
                 gripping,
         suffocating,
         with pain
         that stills the soul.

    It is a loathsome thing,
         this invisible suppression
         which leaves the heart
                 shaken and afraid,
                 despairing of its duration;
                 
                   for it's one thing
                    to be lonely alone,
                    but agony to be lonely
                                       with you.

              *    *    *    *    *    *    *

    From The Many Faces of Journaling: topics & techniques for personal journaling by Linda C. Senn



    Sunday, January 10, 2016

    Divorce & Starting Over Single

    End of the Year = End of Your Marriage?

    Major holidays sometimes prove just how broken your marriage is, and you know ... it's time to stop pretending and admit that your marriage has been over for so very long.  * Your only New Year's resolution is to file for divorce.

    The decision itself can be a relief, especially if you've been struggling to make the marriage work. But you can't. It really does take two. 

    The reasons for divorce are many. Emotional and personality incompatibility is a destroyer. The two partners may have completely different needs for feeling loved and secure -- needs that the spouse is unable or unwilling to give. 

    Your job in making the decision to leave or stay is whether you've blossomed or withered in your marriage. Your natural inborn gift is a peaceful, loving life.
    Imagine the absence of emotional, psychological, and/or physical abuse. Picture being surrounded by people who respect you, believe in you, and admire you. How does that sound? Impossible? No. That's the real world, beyond your marriage.
       * When you leave the pain, you truly walk into the sunshine. *

    In this series of blog posts, Divorce & Starting Over Single, you'll find practical guidance, steps to take through that process, and upbeat ideas for fresh start as a single. You'll also find useful information in the past posts.
    And, as always, I welcome your comments!
    Peace,
    Lin