Preparing to Separate

It's one thing to make the decision to separate and divorce -- quite another to screw up the courage to act on it. But there are several useful steps you can take before announcing it to your soon-to-be-ex.

The first is building a foundation of supportive friends and maybe even non-judgmental relatives.

Get together with one or two close, discreet friends. This isn't necessarily a "baring your soul" session. In the first conversation, you may simply say you're way past miserable and are seriously considering starting over single.

Odds are that won't come as a shock to those close to you. But you can ask if they're surprised.* Some people get so good at putting on a false, happy face, that others believed your relationship was fine.

Resist the urge to spew out all the emotional pain you feel -- those are best shared with your therapist. Steer your friends in the direction of practical questions and suggestions.

Some will play devil's advocate and ask if you've thought of this or that challenge of being single again. Listen to them. They really do meant to be helpful. If  it's something you haven't considered, resist the urge to feel discouraged. Focus on the best way to deal with whatever they brought up.

It's not a question of Can I or Can't I.
But of how can I work around that.

 Don't invite anyone who went through a bitter divorce, seems stuck in a painful marriage, or has chosen to be a lifelong victim.

Supportive friends offer a powerful boost your courage and will be a joy in your new life as a single.