Friends, even more than family, can support and help us when our world falls apart. Virtually everyone who's planning to divorce or separate or who has just been left by their spouse may feel disconnected and in emotional free-fall. Family members may be too emotionally involved to be steady and supportive. But friends have no such dual loyalties.
When you life suddenly changes, or you know that it soon will, think of your closest friends. Not necessarily your most constant companions, but those in whom you can confide. Next consider which ones may have a bias against divorce. They wouldn't be helpful.
Then look at their lives. If divorced, does anger flare up when talk turns to their ex? You don't need that kind of destructive energy right now. In deciding on 2 or 3 candidates, don't be too concerned about whether they've been divorced or not. Any kind of emotional baggage from their old situation could still get in the way of them helping you.
It can also be invaluable to call on friends with somewhat different perspectives. One woman we know narrowed her list down to three good friends - one a young widow, one married, and the other had never tied the knot. They never did all all get together at once. Her preference was to meet them individually, when she shared the news that she would very soon be filing for divorce.
Each one first played devil's advocate asking if she'd considered this or that life situation that might come up. And each one offered her unwavering, loving support which continued long after the divorce dust had settled.
Such friends offer stability. Try not to lean on them too hard, or you'll wear them out. For both their sake and your own, share what's going on when you see them, but then move on to more cheerful topics. You'll both leave the meeting feeling uplifted!
Women tend to get together over a meal or coffee out. Men often have a drink or get together to shoot hoops or swing a golf club.
Peace ~
Lin
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