Today's online Huffington Post article "The Key To Avoiding Self-Destructive Behaviors In The Face Of Failure" reminded me of another, less complicated way to reframe failure even in big situations.
Although the article didn't delve into self-destructive behaviors, those of us who have been through divorce, know some of the most common ones involve alcohol, over eating, binge partying or bar hopping, obsessive spending, and other abnormal extremes of behavior. Each is destructive and can become a permanent way of life.
The best way I know to re-view it is to genuinely see that failure as a learning experience. It is, you know. Life is just full of those and will be for as long as we live. Personal relationships aren't exempt.
One positive, effective way to shift your mindset is to pick up your journal (you've got one, right?) and a pen. Draw a horizontal across the middle of the page the page dividing it into two parts. Title the page "Learning from Failure."
In the first section, "My Failures," list the ways you feel you may have failed in helping build a healthy marriage. Be brutally honest! Comments like "... but she shouldn't have taken it that way." won't help you move on. Jot down anything that comes to mind, large or small allowing space to add more as you think of them.
The second section, "What I've Learned," may take some pondering. But there you'll write what you'll try to do differently in the future or maybe never do or say again. You're learning about the way you want to interact with the world in the future.
* MAKE ALL OF THOSE POSITIVE! *
Resist the whiny or angry or pathetic comments. Focus on healthy inner changes and smile as you write each one.
Take a few days to add to each list. There's no need to rush.
Peace ~
Lin
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